Fic: World of Grey
May. 25th, 2011 12:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
libra_travellerTitle: World of Grey
Author: libra_traveller
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Warning: Suicide, Spoilers for 6x22.
Summary: Sequel to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
entropy_maximum’s story And You Rip It From My Hands (Well Now You’ve Won)
Author’s Note: Title taken from lyrics in ‘If No One Will Listen’ by Kelly Clarkson.
Dean held Cas close as he cried, trying to comfort by running his hands through Cas' hair. Sam and Bobby looked on with a mixture of satisfaction and pity. When Cas finally grew quiet, Dean held his breath. Cas pushed away, crawling backwards till he was up against the wall. Sam was the first to notice Cas had stolen the knife strapped to Dean’s ankle, but before he could warn Dean, Cas had plunged it into his own chest. Dean rushed forward, gathering Cas into his arms, whispering ‘no’ over and over again. “I love you,” Cas whispered before he stilled completely. Dean stopped breathing for a moment, and then sobs wracked him.
“Dean.” Sam grabbed his shoulder. Dean barely noticed. “Dean! Look.” When Dean turned he could see light swirling around the shattered pieces of the amulet. He felt the body in his arms heat up. Dean quickly looked down in time to see Castiel’s corpse disappear. Then a whoosh of air had him jumping up. His entire frame shaking, he turned.
“I cannot die, Dean.”
Taking a shaky breath, Dean wiped the blood on his hands against his pants. He laughed, “You couldn’t have told me that?”
Sam spoke up. “You’re not God, Castiel.” He meant it as a statement but couldn’t deny it sounded like a question.
“No, I’m not.” Castiel turned to Sam. “But God still has plans for me.”
Dean drew Castiel's attention back to him. “I held your lifeless body in my arms!” His voice cracked. “Why'd you tell me you loved me?”
Castiel looked down. “I had faith my father would bring me back.” Looking up, he confessed, “but I didn’t know for sure.” He turned to walk out of the panic room, for without the souls he didn’t have the strength to fly through the wards.
“Cas,” Dean pleaded.
Castiel turned back, gazing at each of them. Sam was unsure of himself, and Bobby was still full of anger and grief, but Dean was hurting. “Thank you. I was out of control. I appreciate what you did.” Castiel looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking. “Those souls... there were so many, each whispering terrible and twisted things. It destroyed my mind, left me open to their desires.” Castiel tried to stay calm, an echo of the pain from his grace leaving him, making it hard to think. “I don’t know what I might have done if you hadn’t stopped me.” He stared into Bobby and Sam’s eyes, “Though I wished there had been another way. When you shattered my Grace you freed millions of monster souls. They will soon find vessels and countless innocents are in danger.” He turned to Dean, “I take responsibility for those lives. I may have prevented Raphael from releasing Michael and Lucifer from the cage and restarting the Apocalypse, but now people will be hurt because of me.” He closed his eyes, head lifted to the ceiling. “I will not stop until every soul is back in Purgatory.” Castiel opened his eyes and looked into Dean. “I meant what I said. I love you with all of my being and I hope you will find happiness.” With that he passed through the door and then flew away.
Dean fell to his knees and struggled to breathe. Sam kneeled down and pulled Dean into his arms. “You really love him, don’t you?”
Dean laughed. “You think?” Bobby stood silent and then took a breath and left the room.
***
Months passed. They were all kept busy hunting down the escaped souls. Some were easy to vanquish, most weren’t. Occasionally, Dean and Sam would get into the type of danger they couldn’t free themselves from, and Castiel would swoop in and save the day. He would only smile at Dean before he was gone again.
They were taking a break at Bobby’s, Dean on his fourth beer, when Sam confronted him. “Why don’t you just call him?”
Dean shook his head. “That’s all I did for a year, maybe longer. Call him when I needed him, taking him away from his duties. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t be calling him asking for help.” Dean only snorted. “Just ask him to come around when he has a chance. Tell him you just want to talk to him, see how he’s doing.” Dean took his beer and walked out onto the porch. Sam forced himself to not roll his eyes a second time.
Dean found himself doing just as Sam suggested. “Cas, I know you’re busy. But I miss you.” He took another sip. “I didn’t realize why you did what you did. You asked me countless times to trust you, and I wouldn’t. Maybe if I had, maybe if you had our support, we could have helped you fight those souls. But we left you on your own with no one believing in you. And then we screwed up. People are dying because of me, again. I can’t imagine you want to see me, whether you love me or not. I just make things so much harder for you. But I’m selfish. I want to see you. You said you wanted me to be happy, but I’m not happy without you.”
Dean sat out on the porch for hours, until it was dark. When he heard the air move he thought he must have fallen asleep. “Dean.” But there he was, sitting as close as he could.
“Cas, you came.”
“I’ll always come.” Cas lifted his hand to wipe away the tears falling down Dean’s cheeks. Dean gripped that hand, pressing it closer.
“Stay with me.” Dean took a breath. “I mean, you can hunt with us. You don’t have to do it on your own. It’s my burden too, we can fix this together.”
Cas smiled softly. He wiped away more of Dean’s tears and then let his hand fall to his side. “I’ll stay if that’s what you want.”
Dean smiled and leaned in, kissing the surprise off Cas’ face.
Sam went to check on Dean and could only smile when he saw Dean and Cas kissing as if it was the end of the world all over again. He closed the door softly.
When Cas eventually pulled away, Dean realized he’d transported them into Dean’s room. Cas moved them until they were cuddled close on the bed. Dean moved his hand through Cas’ hair. “In the morning, Dean. When you’re sober.”
“In the morning, Cas. I’ll show you how much I love you, I promise.”
“Sleep.” Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder and felt as Dean’s breaths slowed.
Author: libra_traveller
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Warning: Suicide, Spoilers for 6x22.
Summary: Sequel to
entropy_maximum’s story And You Rip It From My Hands (Well Now You’ve Won) Author’s Note: Title taken from lyrics in ‘If No One Will Listen’ by Kelly Clarkson.
Dean held Cas close as he cried, trying to comfort by running his hands through Cas' hair. Sam and Bobby looked on with a mixture of satisfaction and pity. When Cas finally grew quiet, Dean held his breath. Cas pushed away, crawling backwards till he was up against the wall. Sam was the first to notice Cas had stolen the knife strapped to Dean’s ankle, but before he could warn Dean, Cas had plunged it into his own chest. Dean rushed forward, gathering Cas into his arms, whispering ‘no’ over and over again. “I love you,” Cas whispered before he stilled completely. Dean stopped breathing for a moment, and then sobs wracked him.
“Dean.” Sam grabbed his shoulder. Dean barely noticed. “Dean! Look.” When Dean turned he could see light swirling around the shattered pieces of the amulet. He felt the body in his arms heat up. Dean quickly looked down in time to see Castiel’s corpse disappear. Then a whoosh of air had him jumping up. His entire frame shaking, he turned.
“I cannot die, Dean.”
Taking a shaky breath, Dean wiped the blood on his hands against his pants. He laughed, “You couldn’t have told me that?”
Sam spoke up. “You’re not God, Castiel.” He meant it as a statement but couldn’t deny it sounded like a question.
“No, I’m not.” Castiel turned to Sam. “But God still has plans for me.”
Dean drew Castiel's attention back to him. “I held your lifeless body in my arms!” His voice cracked. “Why'd you tell me you loved me?”
Castiel looked down. “I had faith my father would bring me back.” Looking up, he confessed, “but I didn’t know for sure.” He turned to walk out of the panic room, for without the souls he didn’t have the strength to fly through the wards.
“Cas,” Dean pleaded.
Castiel turned back, gazing at each of them. Sam was unsure of himself, and Bobby was still full of anger and grief, but Dean was hurting. “Thank you. I was out of control. I appreciate what you did.” Castiel looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking. “Those souls... there were so many, each whispering terrible and twisted things. It destroyed my mind, left me open to their desires.” Castiel tried to stay calm, an echo of the pain from his grace leaving him, making it hard to think. “I don’t know what I might have done if you hadn’t stopped me.” He stared into Bobby and Sam’s eyes, “Though I wished there had been another way. When you shattered my Grace you freed millions of monster souls. They will soon find vessels and countless innocents are in danger.” He turned to Dean, “I take responsibility for those lives. I may have prevented Raphael from releasing Michael and Lucifer from the cage and restarting the Apocalypse, but now people will be hurt because of me.” He closed his eyes, head lifted to the ceiling. “I will not stop until every soul is back in Purgatory.” Castiel opened his eyes and looked into Dean. “I meant what I said. I love you with all of my being and I hope you will find happiness.” With that he passed through the door and then flew away.
Dean fell to his knees and struggled to breathe. Sam kneeled down and pulled Dean into his arms. “You really love him, don’t you?”
Dean laughed. “You think?” Bobby stood silent and then took a breath and left the room.
***
Months passed. They were all kept busy hunting down the escaped souls. Some were easy to vanquish, most weren’t. Occasionally, Dean and Sam would get into the type of danger they couldn’t free themselves from, and Castiel would swoop in and save the day. He would only smile at Dean before he was gone again.
They were taking a break at Bobby’s, Dean on his fourth beer, when Sam confronted him. “Why don’t you just call him?”
Dean shook his head. “That’s all I did for a year, maybe longer. Call him when I needed him, taking him away from his duties. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t be calling him asking for help.” Dean only snorted. “Just ask him to come around when he has a chance. Tell him you just want to talk to him, see how he’s doing.” Dean took his beer and walked out onto the porch. Sam forced himself to not roll his eyes a second time.
Dean found himself doing just as Sam suggested. “Cas, I know you’re busy. But I miss you.” He took another sip. “I didn’t realize why you did what you did. You asked me countless times to trust you, and I wouldn’t. Maybe if I had, maybe if you had our support, we could have helped you fight those souls. But we left you on your own with no one believing in you. And then we screwed up. People are dying because of me, again. I can’t imagine you want to see me, whether you love me or not. I just make things so much harder for you. But I’m selfish. I want to see you. You said you wanted me to be happy, but I’m not happy without you.”
Dean sat out on the porch for hours, until it was dark. When he heard the air move he thought he must have fallen asleep. “Dean.” But there he was, sitting as close as he could.
“Cas, you came.”
“I’ll always come.” Cas lifted his hand to wipe away the tears falling down Dean’s cheeks. Dean gripped that hand, pressing it closer.
“Stay with me.” Dean took a breath. “I mean, you can hunt with us. You don’t have to do it on your own. It’s my burden too, we can fix this together.”
Cas smiled softly. He wiped away more of Dean’s tears and then let his hand fall to his side. “I’ll stay if that’s what you want.”
Dean smiled and leaned in, kissing the surprise off Cas’ face.
Sam went to check on Dean and could only smile when he saw Dean and Cas kissing as if it was the end of the world all over again. He closed the door softly.
When Cas eventually pulled away, Dean realized he’d transported them into Dean’s room. Cas moved them until they were cuddled close on the bed. Dean moved his hand through Cas’ hair. “In the morning, Dean. When you’re sober.”
“In the morning, Cas. I’ll show you how much I love you, I promise.”
“Sleep.” Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder and felt as Dean’s breaths slowed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2011-05-25 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-25 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-25 06:45 pm (UTC)I love how Cas killed himself, I love how his Father + the amulet brought him back, and I looooove how Cas finally declared his love and that Sam encouraged Dean to talk to him!
This is perfect: Dean found himself doing just as Sam suggested. “Cas, I know you’re busy. But I miss you.” He took another sip. “I didn’t realize why you did what you did. You asked me countless times to trust you, and I wouldn’t. Maybe if I had, maybe if you had our support, we could have helped you fight those souls. But we left you on your own with no one believing in you. And then we screwed up. People are dying because of me, again. I can’t imagine you want to see me, whether you love me or not. I just make things so much harder for you. But I’m selfish. I want to see you. You said you wanted me to be happy, but I’m not happy without you.”
If only things could happen like this...BRAVO!
no subject
on 2011-05-25 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-26 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-25 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-25 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-26 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-26 05:09 am (UTC)