Fic: Don't Let Go
Dec. 4th, 2011 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
libra_travellerTitle: Don't Let Go
Author: libra_traveller
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Spoilers: Through season 7 episode 2.
Summary: A new angel is born when Dean's soul collides with Castiel's grace while in hell.
This is the struggle to hold onto someone you love while attempting to not lose someone you’re falling in love with. As many people know, Castiel loves Dean. Some aren’t sure of the depth of that love. Everything that occurs between them is viewed from afar, only seeing half the story.
Everyone knows that Dean’s friendship with Castiel was important during his rift with Sam. And it’s easy to see that Castiel cared about Dean, the profound bond he touches on and the fact that he always is there to help. We see his sacrifices, or so we think. There’s more to this story than can be seen. There’s a person that only Castiel knows exists, and this person is his shining light through every battle, every fight, both with enemies and friends. We learned that Castiel can lie, but none of us knew he was lying all this time, keeping this secret inside. Now that Castiel has fallen to his end, his last wish is to let us know his story. Let us meet this person he loved so much, even more than Dean.
It starts in hell, as most tales truly do. A place deep inside where you feel continuous torment. Sometimes you feel adrift and disconnected from the rest of the world. And the guilt of failure stinks of blood and guts. The soul is damaged cut apart from the rest of your body. Either you’re walking around feeling empty, or you’re in the pit with the sounds of torture. This is how anyone feels when they’re hurt beyond repair. But for the sake of this story, we’ll speak of hell in the reality of religious dictation.
Dean died and went to hell, his body ripped apart by hellhounds. He’s told us that he was on a rack being cut and burned for decades before he finally learned enough and gave up to be a torturer himself. He has guilt that he took on that role, but his wasn’t the only guilt.
Castiel felt his own for his garrison’s failure to reach Dean in time. Hell is a dark place, and they can only see by the light that shines off their wings. The walls, for there are many, glint red. The screams were to be expected, but they feel sanitized, almost a bored routine. Uriel was with Castiel when at last they found their target, the man whose soul they were here to rescue. Dean wouldn’t let them come near him. He was an ugly creature, but his soul still sparked a sickly yellow, while most of the souls in hell had nothing left. Castiel’s brothers were still fighting demons and it was up to the two of them to bring Dean back to Earth. But they would need to carry that soul between them, as only the angel Michael could truly hold Dean’s soul. Even then Castiel was aware that Dean was to be Michael’s vessel. That knowledge came with his orders. More than that he would find out too late.
Uriel was bloody from the last demon he’d fought and paused to swipe the blood off his wings. Castiel was drawn to Dean, walked closer expecting Dean to run away from him. But Dean stood still and let the bright angel near him. It was with shock that Castiel felt his grace bleed into the black hole that made up Dean’s soul. He fought in fright, but he nevertheless fell.
Dean’s soul was in its own way heavenly. It was full of emotions that Castiel had never felt before, a rage that outranged wrath, a love unlike devotion but still strong, pain that felt selfish in its indulgence, and a joy that was unencumbered by duty. There was more, but Castiel could barely comprehend.
The more Dean’s soul swamped his grace, the less scared Castiel felt. He found comfort and a sense of safety. Beyond that he was welcomed, when he had never needed that feeling to take care of his responsibilities, but it was nice. It made him want more, but he had a mission. They were here to save Dean. He pulled away, reasserting his control, and Dean’s soul seemed to groan in a mix of frustration and disappointment. Castiel reassured him that they would see each other again, but outside of hell. Once Castiel was free, Uriel and he bounced the soul between them as they fought their way out of hell.
As can be guessed there was a reason that the scene in hell was included, and not just because it was always the part of the story that was wanted but missing. Dean’s soul did more to Castiel than would be discovered for months. He managed to leave a part of his soul mired in Castiel’s grace. It would create a new life, one not seen for ages. And this life would impact every decision Castiel makes.
Let’s go forward past the second meeting between Castiel and Dean, we all know that Castiel tried to speak with Dean and almost killed his eardrums. Imagine Castiel’s distress and sudden need to find himself a vessel. But yes, Dean who gives the angel a nickname of Cas, had to get used to working with an angel. And they weren’t exactly friends, although they were more friendly than Dean and Uriel. And Sam had his own problems. Let’s not get into the demon blood, we all know that was a mess waiting to be explained.
The scene that’s important to these events is when Castiel was ripped from his vessel. He was taken back to heaven, and he never told Dean about what happened to him there. We’ll still leave this to the imagination, but let us not mince words, it was torture. The problem was that Castiel heard the beginning of a voice, one screaming out in pain, not his own. This was the moment Castiel realized he had a new life inside his grace. The shock, a surprise not unwanted, gave him purpose. He had to hide this life or have it stolen from him. So while he was beaten he shushed his baby, told it that if she were quiet, all would be okay. She was not discovered. That was all that really mattered. Not the missing feathers, or the bruises that would never show on his vessel.
Now can you understand why Castiel was so standoffish when he returned to Earth? He was in a protective mode, and had to choose his child over Dean’s friendship.
The war was just beginning, and you know the general details. So we’ll jump to the next moment that confronted Castiel. Where he had to make a new decision.
It’s been called a Green Room, that place where actors hide before a performance. This is where Castiel watched Dean lose his patience, and struggle to persuade Castiel to fight against Heaven, for the chance at an Earth just the way it’s always been, a freedom of wills. Happy or sad, it was theirs to hold onto. Castiel wanted more, wanted a better place for his child. But she was talking more, and she agreed with Dean. She’d been watching from inside Cas’ grace and she liked Dean. Where Dean failed to convince, she won out. The worst part was thinking that she could die for this world she craved, but she thought it worth the risk. So they escaped that room, went out to perform and for us to entertain.
I suppose you want to know why Castiel didn’t die when his vessel was blown apart by Raphael the Archangel. Would you believe that it was the girl’s strengths that pulled Castiel back together? No? Well you’d be both right and wrong. It was she who kept Castiel from leaving the world. But as we know God works his ways. Castiel wasn’t meant to die, there were plans for him. The other side of this was God didn’t like for new angels to be destroyed prematurely. They had a power of grace stronger for being untested and innocent. The point is Castiel survived with his child still growing inside.
Perhaps you can begin to see what comes next. You remember all the times that Castiel exhausted himself in the war effort. Those moments he risked himself, risked his child, all for Dean’s vision of a better world. We got to see Castiel broken in the future, a user that was used up. What Cas hid from Dean was that when he rescued him from Zachariah he glimpsed that future, and knew that he’d lost his child. He decided to work harder to not let that happen.
Castiel became Dean’s Cas in that year. He learned about mankind, and their potential for friendships. He opened up to Dean’s views and felt that happiness for a time. Cas started to fall a little in love. He just didn’t know it. What he did know is that he loved his child. She would talk to him, comfort him, calm his anger when Dean gave up after losing Ellen and Jo. Still he didn’t tell Dean about her. He feared discovery, feared his child being taken from him. But the lying hurt. He wanted to share her with him. Wanted to remind Dean of hell when their child was created. But that would be cruel. So he hid, and continued to fight.
Some things may have been skipped over. But first, how about a name? Cas will call her Mary Jo, named after Dean’s mother and their courageous friend. Mary Jo didn’t weaken in the fighting, rather was a source of strength for Castiel.
Yet for a moment Castiel was confronted with Lucifer, who tried to harm Castiel’s grace and in so doing attacked Mary Jo. She survives, but barely. Castiel became more cautious. Yet still more is asked of him. And then to save Dean’s other brother Adam, he uses up his grace in one attack against all his own brothers. He woke up after a time, powerless, and feared his child was gone. Castiel became a little unhinged.
To spare you the worry, she didn’t die, but he could no longer sense her. As the story goes, Sam gave up his free will in a last ditch effort to capture Lucifer. It almost didn’t work, but Castiel played his part, and Dean and his prized car did the rest. Castiel exploded, which was becoming a habit. And Mary Jo pulled him back together.
Now you’re almost caught up. Maybe you’re wondering why this isn’t a happy ending story where Castiel was gifted with a child made from Dean’s soul and Castiel’s grace. This should be full of fluff and love, where the world survives.
Yet Castiel wasn’t happy. Dean wasn’t happy. Sam was in Hell, and Castiel knew that Dean would never be content in a world where his brother was suffering. So he went to Hell and tried to rescue Sam, he thought he was successful, although Mary Jo was injured. Later Raphael’s attack when Castiel stood up to him left Mary Jo dying.
Everything Castiel did next had multiple reasons. He made the deal with Crowley because the power from the souls gave him a reprieve, Mary Jo began to heal. Raphael needed to be defeated to save the world. Every day Cas became more desperate, and still he couldn’t share with Dean.
This broke him.
Finally the souls from Purgatory were released, and Castiel had the power to save his daughter and fight against Raphael. But they were too powerful. And they took control.
And the last we saw was Castiel in the lake, a third death. Yet what happened to Mary Jo? She’s there in the lake pulling Castiel back together, just wait. Don’t give up just yet. The story’s just beginning.
Author: libra_traveller
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Spoilers: Through season 7 episode 2.
Summary: A new angel is born when Dean's soul collides with Castiel's grace while in hell.
This is the struggle to hold onto someone you love while attempting to not lose someone you’re falling in love with. As many people know, Castiel loves Dean. Some aren’t sure of the depth of that love. Everything that occurs between them is viewed from afar, only seeing half the story.
Everyone knows that Dean’s friendship with Castiel was important during his rift with Sam. And it’s easy to see that Castiel cared about Dean, the profound bond he touches on and the fact that he always is there to help. We see his sacrifices, or so we think. There’s more to this story than can be seen. There’s a person that only Castiel knows exists, and this person is his shining light through every battle, every fight, both with enemies and friends. We learned that Castiel can lie, but none of us knew he was lying all this time, keeping this secret inside. Now that Castiel has fallen to his end, his last wish is to let us know his story. Let us meet this person he loved so much, even more than Dean.
It starts in hell, as most tales truly do. A place deep inside where you feel continuous torment. Sometimes you feel adrift and disconnected from the rest of the world. And the guilt of failure stinks of blood and guts. The soul is damaged cut apart from the rest of your body. Either you’re walking around feeling empty, or you’re in the pit with the sounds of torture. This is how anyone feels when they’re hurt beyond repair. But for the sake of this story, we’ll speak of hell in the reality of religious dictation.
Dean died and went to hell, his body ripped apart by hellhounds. He’s told us that he was on a rack being cut and burned for decades before he finally learned enough and gave up to be a torturer himself. He has guilt that he took on that role, but his wasn’t the only guilt.
Castiel felt his own for his garrison’s failure to reach Dean in time. Hell is a dark place, and they can only see by the light that shines off their wings. The walls, for there are many, glint red. The screams were to be expected, but they feel sanitized, almost a bored routine. Uriel was with Castiel when at last they found their target, the man whose soul they were here to rescue. Dean wouldn’t let them come near him. He was an ugly creature, but his soul still sparked a sickly yellow, while most of the souls in hell had nothing left. Castiel’s brothers were still fighting demons and it was up to the two of them to bring Dean back to Earth. But they would need to carry that soul between them, as only the angel Michael could truly hold Dean’s soul. Even then Castiel was aware that Dean was to be Michael’s vessel. That knowledge came with his orders. More than that he would find out too late.
Uriel was bloody from the last demon he’d fought and paused to swipe the blood off his wings. Castiel was drawn to Dean, walked closer expecting Dean to run away from him. But Dean stood still and let the bright angel near him. It was with shock that Castiel felt his grace bleed into the black hole that made up Dean’s soul. He fought in fright, but he nevertheless fell.
Dean’s soul was in its own way heavenly. It was full of emotions that Castiel had never felt before, a rage that outranged wrath, a love unlike devotion but still strong, pain that felt selfish in its indulgence, and a joy that was unencumbered by duty. There was more, but Castiel could barely comprehend.
The more Dean’s soul swamped his grace, the less scared Castiel felt. He found comfort and a sense of safety. Beyond that he was welcomed, when he had never needed that feeling to take care of his responsibilities, but it was nice. It made him want more, but he had a mission. They were here to save Dean. He pulled away, reasserting his control, and Dean’s soul seemed to groan in a mix of frustration and disappointment. Castiel reassured him that they would see each other again, but outside of hell. Once Castiel was free, Uriel and he bounced the soul between them as they fought their way out of hell.
As can be guessed there was a reason that the scene in hell was included, and not just because it was always the part of the story that was wanted but missing. Dean’s soul did more to Castiel than would be discovered for months. He managed to leave a part of his soul mired in Castiel’s grace. It would create a new life, one not seen for ages. And this life would impact every decision Castiel makes.
Let’s go forward past the second meeting between Castiel and Dean, we all know that Castiel tried to speak with Dean and almost killed his eardrums. Imagine Castiel’s distress and sudden need to find himself a vessel. But yes, Dean who gives the angel a nickname of Cas, had to get used to working with an angel. And they weren’t exactly friends, although they were more friendly than Dean and Uriel. And Sam had his own problems. Let’s not get into the demon blood, we all know that was a mess waiting to be explained.
The scene that’s important to these events is when Castiel was ripped from his vessel. He was taken back to heaven, and he never told Dean about what happened to him there. We’ll still leave this to the imagination, but let us not mince words, it was torture. The problem was that Castiel heard the beginning of a voice, one screaming out in pain, not his own. This was the moment Castiel realized he had a new life inside his grace. The shock, a surprise not unwanted, gave him purpose. He had to hide this life or have it stolen from him. So while he was beaten he shushed his baby, told it that if she were quiet, all would be okay. She was not discovered. That was all that really mattered. Not the missing feathers, or the bruises that would never show on his vessel.
Now can you understand why Castiel was so standoffish when he returned to Earth? He was in a protective mode, and had to choose his child over Dean’s friendship.
The war was just beginning, and you know the general details. So we’ll jump to the next moment that confronted Castiel. Where he had to make a new decision.
It’s been called a Green Room, that place where actors hide before a performance. This is where Castiel watched Dean lose his patience, and struggle to persuade Castiel to fight against Heaven, for the chance at an Earth just the way it’s always been, a freedom of wills. Happy or sad, it was theirs to hold onto. Castiel wanted more, wanted a better place for his child. But she was talking more, and she agreed with Dean. She’d been watching from inside Cas’ grace and she liked Dean. Where Dean failed to convince, she won out. The worst part was thinking that she could die for this world she craved, but she thought it worth the risk. So they escaped that room, went out to perform and for us to entertain.
I suppose you want to know why Castiel didn’t die when his vessel was blown apart by Raphael the Archangel. Would you believe that it was the girl’s strengths that pulled Castiel back together? No? Well you’d be both right and wrong. It was she who kept Castiel from leaving the world. But as we know God works his ways. Castiel wasn’t meant to die, there were plans for him. The other side of this was God didn’t like for new angels to be destroyed prematurely. They had a power of grace stronger for being untested and innocent. The point is Castiel survived with his child still growing inside.
Perhaps you can begin to see what comes next. You remember all the times that Castiel exhausted himself in the war effort. Those moments he risked himself, risked his child, all for Dean’s vision of a better world. We got to see Castiel broken in the future, a user that was used up. What Cas hid from Dean was that when he rescued him from Zachariah he glimpsed that future, and knew that he’d lost his child. He decided to work harder to not let that happen.
Castiel became Dean’s Cas in that year. He learned about mankind, and their potential for friendships. He opened up to Dean’s views and felt that happiness for a time. Cas started to fall a little in love. He just didn’t know it. What he did know is that he loved his child. She would talk to him, comfort him, calm his anger when Dean gave up after losing Ellen and Jo. Still he didn’t tell Dean about her. He feared discovery, feared his child being taken from him. But the lying hurt. He wanted to share her with him. Wanted to remind Dean of hell when their child was created. But that would be cruel. So he hid, and continued to fight.
Some things may have been skipped over. But first, how about a name? Cas will call her Mary Jo, named after Dean’s mother and their courageous friend. Mary Jo didn’t weaken in the fighting, rather was a source of strength for Castiel.
Yet for a moment Castiel was confronted with Lucifer, who tried to harm Castiel’s grace and in so doing attacked Mary Jo. She survives, but barely. Castiel became more cautious. Yet still more is asked of him. And then to save Dean’s other brother Adam, he uses up his grace in one attack against all his own brothers. He woke up after a time, powerless, and feared his child was gone. Castiel became a little unhinged.
To spare you the worry, she didn’t die, but he could no longer sense her. As the story goes, Sam gave up his free will in a last ditch effort to capture Lucifer. It almost didn’t work, but Castiel played his part, and Dean and his prized car did the rest. Castiel exploded, which was becoming a habit. And Mary Jo pulled him back together.
Now you’re almost caught up. Maybe you’re wondering why this isn’t a happy ending story where Castiel was gifted with a child made from Dean’s soul and Castiel’s grace. This should be full of fluff and love, where the world survives.
Yet Castiel wasn’t happy. Dean wasn’t happy. Sam was in Hell, and Castiel knew that Dean would never be content in a world where his brother was suffering. So he went to Hell and tried to rescue Sam, he thought he was successful, although Mary Jo was injured. Later Raphael’s attack when Castiel stood up to him left Mary Jo dying.
Everything Castiel did next had multiple reasons. He made the deal with Crowley because the power from the souls gave him a reprieve, Mary Jo began to heal. Raphael needed to be defeated to save the world. Every day Cas became more desperate, and still he couldn’t share with Dean.
This broke him.
Finally the souls from Purgatory were released, and Castiel had the power to save his daughter and fight against Raphael. But they were too powerful. And they took control.
And the last we saw was Castiel in the lake, a third death. Yet what happened to Mary Jo? She’s there in the lake pulling Castiel back together, just wait. Don’t give up just yet. The story’s just beginning.